Martyn Loyd-Jones on Spiritual Depression

“Man is a wonderful creature, he is mind, he is heart and he is will. Those are the three main constituents of man. God has given him a mind, He has given him a heart, He has given him a will whereby he can act. Now one of the greatest glories of the gospel is this, that it takes up the whole man. Indeed I go so fare as to assert that there is nothing else that does not that; it is only this complete gospel, this complete view of life and death and eternity, that is big enough to include the whole man. It is because we fail to realize that, that many of our troubles arise. We are partial in our response to this great gospel.”

“There is nothing that so characterizes all the activities of satan as his subtlety.”

Tunnel Vison

“Be thou my vision oh Lord of my heart”

I remember driving to my grandma’s house every Sunday night.  The drive was about 45 minutes, or what seems like a lifetime to a child.  One of my favorite parts of the drive was the tunnel. Going though the tunnel meant we were almost there, that we had made it through the most painfully boring part of the drive.  This tunnel was a particularly long one, and I always challenged myself to hold my breath until the end.  Upon entering the tunnel I would immediately take a deep breath in and then hold it as long as I could. I often times would make it to the end and let out a huge gasp. I remember intently focusing on the end of the tunnel, the ultimate goal, the chance to breathe.

The bible says we are to fix our eyes on Christ, the author and perfecter of faith (Hbr 12:2).   I see this as a sort of tunnel vision straight towards Christ. Getting to a point where we only see Him and knowing that because we are focused on Him, we will please Him.

This is difficult! If we stop and think about it, our lives can be far from the form of a tunnel.  Tunnels are closed in and only allow traffic in one direction. But our lives are full of side roads, pitstops, and detours; we have the choice to go another direction. It’s a little harder to take a left turn in a tunnel than on an open road.  So how do we get this tunnel vision, when all we see around us is open road?

Hebrews 12 talks about how God disciplines so that we may share in His holiness.  If we are disciplined enough to keep our eyes on Christ, and off of ourselves or the things in our lives that lead us away from Christ, then we will be holy as He is holy.  Holiness bears the fruit of righteousness.

However, discipline is not easy. In a way it is like holding your breath during that tunnel. You feel like you just might explode because you never quite know how long it will last, but you’re guaranteed to come out stronger because of it. Thankfully when God disciplines, we’re always given enough breath to get through the tunnel, even if it may be a struggle for a time.

I guess my point is that if we do what we can to keep our eyes intently fixed on Christ just when we think we might run out of breath (and every other time), we will not only serve Him more completely, but as a result:

We will love people more deeply because Christ deeply loves people.

We will be servants because Christ is a servant.

We will be humble because Christ is humble.

We will commune with God because Christ communes with God.

We will glorify God because Christ glorifies God.

What a wonderful hope that is… knowing that everything we endure, Christ endured all the more on the cross when He laid down His life for us. Let us live as He lives.

Thoughts of today

Today was a windy day. The leaves swirlled up around the street creating small orange tornatos around you as you walked. As I walked outside, and crossed the street the power of the wind reminded me of God’s presence in my life. Sometimes you feel Him more than others… and then my thoughts traveled to the verse that says life is a vapor…

I can’t help but remember how I felt this time last year.  My body was failing me, and at any moment I felt I could disappear as the fog does once day breaks.  And yet here I am, for some reason, and part of me wishes that it had all ended… the part of me that’s tired of fighting. 

But then I know that when I don’t fight in my power, but in God’s, I will never tire. He will empower me and give me all the grace I need to get through each minute of the day.  But even knowing and believing this, I struggle to retain joy in Him… Weighed down by worldly cares I dispair, loosing sight of the hope that I have in Him.

So today, as my sinful nature wants to dispair… I choose to stand… stand in Christ, stand for my God… because now that is all that I can do. I don’t know what tomorrow brings or if I will even have a tomorrow, but I do know that God is Good. He brought me into the light, He brings me out of sickness and pain, He is the cure for dispair… He is… He was… He will always be.

My heart sings sweet praises to Him because He has saved me from myself and for that I am forever thankful…

Confidence… where’s yours?

What is confidence? Lately it’s been on my mind… what do I put my confidence in??

Every morning I go out to my car and have confidence that it will start, but that’s not an enduring confidence.  There will be one day when I go outside( in the rain most likely) to find that my car won’t start… My confidence is shattered, what I had once expected no longer exists.  I put my confidence in something that fails.

I do this everyday, with things big and small… I make plans and decisions based on things that fail. I have confidence that something will work out, but it dosent… I am let down yet again…

But there is great hope when I put my confidence in God.  You see, God is unchanging… He is as He has always been… His characteristics never change, He never changes. He keeps His word, He shares His love, He does not disappoint.  Life is chalked full of changes… good and bad.  As humans, we expect change… although we may resist it or choose not to acknowledge it, we know that it is inevitable…But God does not change… it will never happen. “I am the Lord, I change not.” Malachi 3:6. Be encouraged by Spurgeon who says:

The stability which the anchor gives the ship when it has at last obtained a hold-fast, is like that which the Christian’s hope affords him when it fixes itself upon this glorious truth. With God “is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” Whatever His attributes were of old, they are now; His power, His wisdom, His justice, His truth, are alike unchanged. He has ever been the refuge of His people, their stronghold in the day of trouble, and He is their sure Helper still. He is unchanged in His love. He has loved His people with “an everlasting love”; He loves them now as much as ever He did, and when all earthly things shall have melted in the last conflafration, His love will still wear the dew of its youth. Precious is the assurance that He changes not! The wheel of providence revolves, but its axle is eternal love.

Today and everyday I proclaim that my confidence is not in me… My confidence is in the unchanging God who sent His only Son to live a perfect life, die a perfect death for my sin,  and rise again…so that I may live.

What did you put your confidence in today?

Origin of Joy

Outside of time You create

Without blemish You rule

Wholly just, wholly pure

In grace you love

And in faithfulness you provide

You make all things new

You work from within

 

How great and mighty you are!

To save a soul as mine.

 

You catch each tear

You heal each hurt

In you the weary  may rest

And the hungry may feast.

The burdened flourish

The lowly are lifted

Steadfast you are in this changing world

Upholding those that fall

And lifting those bowed down

 

How great and mighty You are!

That you would take thought of me.

 

Speak now

Your servant is listening

Move your words through my soul

Across the chasm  that you alone can fill

Speak your truth

Breathe your Spirit

Your character ignites my joy

You alone are faithful

You alone satisfy

You alone are God

Savior of my soul

Redeemer of this distructed heart

Giver of grace

My origin of joy.

When Clamor Calls

Clamor calls out
As an old familiar friend
My heart wanes
Stirring insecurities shake my soul

Stand He says
Stand firm
His schemes are no match
Your armor is strong

Clamor calls out
As an old familiar friend
Absorbed like the sun
This darkness enters in

Stand He says
Stand firm
“I am more than enough”

Clamor calls out
As an old familiar friend
On my knees I do fall
Fully exhausted, empty, dry
nothing left to give

So I stand
Stand firm
Not of my own strength
But in the strength of Your might

You are my ground in unsteady times
You are my light when darkness surrounds
You are my source, power, and might
I’m nothing without You

So I stand
Stand firm
Through clamor’s call, I cling to You

My God, Father, Redeemer, Friend
Savior I stand
Because You fell for me.

10 minute poem

As ink stains paper

So also am I

lost in a sprial of emptyness

you reached down to me

took my stains and made them yours

your clenliness was unheard of

yet you gave up it for me

released like a bird

freed from bonds

you became stained

i became clean

you died

i live

you rise

hope shines through

blotting out transgretion

relinquish obstructions

Have you ever looked at something fifty times, but never really seen it?

What’s stopping you?

Human Instrument

About a month ago the college age women’s bible study I go to made journals out of composition books (You know, the books that you used in grade school that are often black and white). Well, we covered them with magazine pictures, words, and scraps to personalize them. The appearance I was going for was an elegant 18th century look. I was actually quite impressed with the final product because usually when I try to do something creative, it never quite measures up to the vision I had for the project.

On the front are the words “Human Instrument”. I found this clipping from an add that had a woman who was also a cello. What the advertisement was for… I have no clue. But these words struck me and I found them to represent God’s people. It still amazes me that God uses sinful people to do His work. He doesn’t need people to do His work, but He chose and commands us to have a part in sharing our God with the World. This phrase I found to be profound at that moment because I felt like an instrument that was waited to be used and honestly getting a little impatient. But little did I realize, He was preparing me for the “show” and very soon I would be doing what He had put in my heart.

At the time i was feeling discouraged because I knew God wanted me to be in a ministry, but nothing was working out. And I knew that He would work it out in His time, but my impatient little heart couldn’t stand that. It’s all about now in this culture, and unfortunately I have soaked that up and it tainted my trust in the Lord. Oh I still had trust, but impatience blinded me as it seems to do.

I dedicated this journal to growing in trust and patience. It was an embodiment of my hope to wait on God and His plan for my life. I knew there was something, I just didn’t know what that something was. Now I know. He has given me a position within a ministry that I am familiar with. He has kept me in the same city (even though I am itching to move somewhere new). And He made so I can support myself. He provided everything, despite my struggle to be patient. I am overcome by His faithfulness in my life. All I can do is fall to my knees in pure awe of my great God and His unending faithfulness, grace, and mercy. And pray that I can be a beautiful instrument in His eyes and do well in His sight. What a joy it is to serve Him, and what a undeserved fortune it is to know Him!

Since I made the journal, I have only written one poem in it, but even if I never use it, it stands as a reminder that God is using me and is faithful to provide a way.

The front

The Back

Entrenched Beauty

A faithful symphony plays within my soul

It tells of your grace and mercy

And their unending flow

Like a dove you came upon your people

The Spirit dwells within

You made holiness attainable

These dirty rags,

Woven clean.

Thank you for your guidance

Lovingkindness surpassing all

Move me in your ways

Break me of myself

My great Leader,

Make me a humble follower…

All for Your glory.